Let’s start with a simple truth: If you’re watching Chelsea vs. Southampton on Tuesday night, you either (A) support one of these teams, (B) are a hardcore Premier League fanatic who watches everything, or (C) lost a bet.
Because, let’s be honest, this game is basically a mid-season therapy session for two clubs whose seasons have fallen off a cliff.
On one side, you have Enzo Maresca, who walked into Chelsea thinking he was inheriting an elite project and instead found himself managing an overcooked science experiment. On the other, you have Southampton, a club that might as well start mentally preparing for Tuesday nights in Stoke next season.
On one side, you have Enzo Maresca, who walked into Chelsea thinking he was inheriting an elite project and instead found himself managing an overcooked science experiment. On the other, you have Southampton, a club that might as well start mentally preparing for Tuesday nights in Stoke next season.
The Chelsea Side: Expensive But Broken💰😥
Chelsea fans are experiencing the five stages of grief in real time. First, there was denial (“Maresca just needs time!”). Then anger (“WHY did we spend €100m on Caicedo instead of a striker?!”). Then bargaining (“If we beat Southampton and go on a run, top four is still possible, right?”). Right now, we’re in depression, and based on how things are going, acceptance might arrive before full-time.
Maresca’s squad is, in a word, chaotic. Chelsea have the most expensive assembly of "promising talents" ever, but no clear game plan. The goalkeeping situation is tragic. First, Robert Sánchez looked like a human error reel, so they switched to Filip Jorgensen… who then gifted Aston Villa a 90th-minute winner. The best part? Maresca defended him post-match. (Imagine a coach in the NBA saying, “Yeah, our point guard threw the ball into the stands on the last play, but we believe in his ability to… throw it into the stands again?”)
And then there’s the injury crisis. Trevoh Chalobah lasted eight minutes before adding himself to Chelsea’s never-ending casualty list, joining Fofana, Badiashile, Mudryk, Jackson, and Lavia. That’s practically an entire starting XI in the treatment room. So if Maresca runs out of ideas, he could try something innovative—like drawing names from a hat to pick the lineup.
Maresca’s squad is, in a word, chaotic. Chelsea have the most expensive assembly of "promising talents" ever, but no clear game plan. The goalkeeping situation is tragic. First, Robert Sánchez looked like a human error reel, so they switched to Filip Jorgensen… who then gifted Aston Villa a 90th-minute winner. The best part? Maresca defended him post-match. (Imagine a coach in the NBA saying, “Yeah, our point guard threw the ball into the stands on the last play, but we believe in his ability to… throw it into the stands again?”)
And then there’s the injury crisis. Trevoh Chalobah lasted eight minutes before adding himself to Chelsea’s never-ending casualty list, joining Fofana, Badiashile, Mudryk, Jackson, and Lavia. That’s practically an entire starting XI in the treatment room. So if Maresca runs out of ideas, he could try something innovative—like drawing names from a hat to pick the lineup.
The Southampton Side: Bring on the Championship ⚽️🔽
If you think Chelsea are having a tough time, let’s take a moment to appreciate Southampton’s season. They’ve got nine points from 26 games. NINE. The same amount of points that Arsenal probably had by mid-September.
At this point, the Saints are just a tragic footballing experiment. They could still break the record for the worst-ever Premier League season (Derby County’s legendary 11-point disaster in 2007-08). They’re conceding goals like a broken ATM gives out cash. They have no defensive shape. Their midfield is invisible. Their attack is basically “run fast and hope for the best.”
And they’re coming off a 4-0 demolition by Brighton. A Brighton team that isn’t even at its best. If you let Brighton’s second-string players walk all over you, what happens when you face an angry Chelsea side at Stamford Bridge?
The Statistics: Chelsea’s Favorite Punching Bag📊📊
Now, before Chelsea fans start getting nervous, here’s a stat to make you feel better: Chelsea have lost just five of their last 32 meetings with Southampton. If there’s ever a “get-right” game for the Blues, this is it.
Sure, Southampton did shock Chelsea at Stamford Bridge last two seasons (1-0, thanks to a James Ward-Prowse free kick). But that was a different time, back when Graham Potter was still in charge and nobody knew how bad things would get. This season? Chelsea already embarrassed Southampton 5-1 in December. That was with a semi-healthy squad. Now they just have to do it with… well, whoever isn’t injured.
Sure, Southampton did shock Chelsea at Stamford Bridge last two seasons (1-0, thanks to a James Ward-Prowse free kick). But that was a different time, back when Graham Potter was still in charge and nobody knew how bad things would get. This season? Chelsea already embarrassed Southampton 5-1 in December. That was with a semi-healthy squad. Now they just have to do it with… well, whoever isn’t injured.
The Prediction 💰💰
We’ve seen this movie before. Chelsea are struggling, Chelsea need a win, Chelsea play a relegation team at home—boom, routine victory. This Southampton defense might as well come with a “Some Assembly Required” sticker, and Chelsea’s attack, for all its inconsistency, should have no trouble finding the net.
Final score? Chelsea 4-0 Southampton. And if Chelsea somehow manage to mess this up, we might need a full Netflix documentary on how a billion-dollar team became the Premier League’s biggest joke.
